Disclaimer
First off, I would like to say a few words. If you are in a relationship with someone and are a teenager, I'm not judging you. I know I cannot convince every single one of you to believe what I believe. Some of it is just a matter of opinion after all. I encourage you to think about what I say in this post.I challenge you to think outside the box of our culture's expectations on teenagers these days. I think there's more to this life than fitting in. Standing out in a Godly, moral way is awesome! Don't ever forget that. We are to please God and not man.
When Can I Start Dating?
Yes, I had to address this question. Some of you are just waiting to hear what I have to say because you want to argue with it, some of you are truly curious, and some of you cringed when you saw that I even put that question in here. I think it's a very popular question and I wanted to answer it so here it goes...
Some people say that you can start dating at 16; others say that's far too young. I don't think it's necessarily a debate over age. I think that the question above is the wrong question. The right question (I believe) would be, "Why would I date someone?" Think about that for a minute--why would you date someone? What is your ultimate goal in a relationship? To have fun? If it is, you're doing it wrong. There's only one good reason to be in a relationship. It's to get to know someone for the goal of marrying them one day. It's not to have fun. Relationships aren't small things...they're serious. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll talk more about that later.
Simple Answer: Whenever you're ready to get married.
How Will I Find "The Right One?"
By this time, most of my readers are probably thinking. Yeah, Sydney, that's all fine and good, but seriously--if I don't date people, how am I ever gonna find the right person? You will find the right person without dating a bunch of people first. Really? You say, "How is that possible?" Can't you trust God with your life? Isn't He bigger than you? He created the world, forgave us of all our sin, and keeps you alive from day to day. Don't you think He can bring the right person to you in His perfect timing? Absolutely yes! I know a couple that met only because of God. They lived in very different parts of the country and met over the internet because she and her sister stumbled across his blog. It's an amazing story. They wouldn't have ever met otherwise. God brought them together at just the right time. He will do the same for you, my friend.
Simple Answer: When God brings him/her along at just the right time.
Courting VS. Dating
By now you're probably thinking, "Oh, she's got conservative views on the subject. She probably believes in courting." Well, you're right. But there's more to it than that. I don't really care what you call it; I care how you do it. Let's think of it this way--when I think of dating what do you think of? Probably a couple who's hanging out (usually for fun), hugging, kissing, holding hands, and maybe even living with each other (which is not OK, by the way)--just your stereotypical couple in the US nowadays. Now think of courting...what comes to your mind? Perhaps some old-fashioned ideas of a really strict relationship. But can we just agree on one thing? Courting takes everyone into consideration, the parents, the family, and the other person's heart. When two people are in a courtship, they tend to be more cautious and try to not get too attached to the other person in case they have to break up and end up heartbroken. They also pay attention to the wisdom of their parents. Couples who date tend to just go off on dates one-on-one and do whatever they want. OK so, I'm not bashing people who date...again, this is just my opinion. In fact, I know a couple who is now happily married that "dated." However, their parents were involved, he did things with her family and they were conservative about it. That's exactly why I said that it's not necessarily what you call it, it's how you do it.
Simple Answer: It's not what you call it, it's how you do it.
It's More Than Just Your Purity
So look back up at my last "simple answer." You're probably wondering, "how I do it"? What does that mean. Does it mean I'm never supposed to hold hands or sit next to my boyfriend/girlfriend. This is the question of the ages. I don't have it all down and don't claim to know all the answers, but here's where I am with this whole thing. It's called standards. When you begin a relationship with someone. Talk to them about what they think is appropriate to do. Maybe you think it's OK to hold hands, or maybe you choose to just give one another side hugs occasionally. It varies from couple to couple because everyone has different convictions. Whatever you decide, though, tell other people and have them keep you accountable. Make sure there are other people around when you are together. The more physically attached you get to someone, the hard it is to let go of them if you need to. Sometimes you will definitely need to break up, and when you do it can scar you if you've given too much of your heart away. I was talking about this very concept today with a friend and she illustrated it this way. She said that two people are like two pieces of paper glued together. When they have to break up, they have to separate. Have you ever had to pull apart two pieces of paper that were glued together. I mean when the paste is dry. You know that at least one of the papers is going to leave some of itself on the other piece of paper. That's how it is in a relationship. If you get too attached to someone, if you have to break up you will leave way more of your heart with them than you ever wanted to. Yes, your purity is important--I would daresay that it is the most important thing to save for your spouse--but I also think that you should be careful how close you get to someone before you're married.
Simple Answer: Make standards, have others keep you accountable, don't give too much of your heart away, remember you don't own the other person, and stay pure.
Lists?
How will you know it's the right one when he/she comes? I highly suggest creating a list of the things you need in a spouse and a seperate list of the things you would like/prefer in a future mate but don't need. I have made one and it really helps you see in black-and-white when you like someone. You can see that they don't fit your list in one way or another and that they are "out." I highly recommend writing a list. It really helps. Also, as my mom says, become the person now that is worthy of the kind of spouse you want.
Simple Answer: Make a list of things you need and want in a future spouse and become the person they deserve.
My Resolve
You can agree with what I've just written. You can disagree with what I've just written. You can be somewhere in between. Wherever you stand, I'm encouraging you today to make a stand. Come up with a resolve that you're going to wait on God's timing. Tell others. Have them keep you accountable. The temptation's out there. It's really easy to fall into. Maybe you have. It's never too late to start over. Wait on the Lord. He won't fail you. Make that resolve now so you won't give in to temptation later. Pray that the Lord will help you. Pray for your future spouse. This is what I'm going to do. Buy a purity ring (guys and girls) or (for the girls) a heart locket that reminds you that your dad will give the key to your locket (symbolizing your heart) to the man he trusts and believes that God has made you for. TRUE LOVE WAITS!
Simple Answer: Resolve to wait on God's timing and stay pure!
I know that if I'm meant to be married, God has the right one out there for me and that He will bring him along in His perfect timing. For now, we'll just be praying for each other, dreaming about one another, and longing for the day that God will show us His plan for our lives. <3
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